Remember there is Good

I am in a "Woe is Me" kind of mood. 

I had to go to the store to buy medicine/cream for a rash I have. It's in such an embarrassing part of my body. It makes me uncomfortable and very itchy. Not a place I can just scratch without people going O_o; Ughhhhh. It's gross. I am praying it will go away and have been keeping myself very clean on top of adding medicine.. I'd rather not have to go to the doctor.

I'm trying to work on cosplay right now but...a song that played caused me to cry and so I sat up and thought, I should just blog it up and post pictures of happy things that have happened to me. It's nice to vent sadness but good to share the happy times as well. Good reminder that my life isn't going too bad. The devil would want me to sulk and focus on the bad. I can't go and do what he'd want! God would want me to look up and remember that He loves me and as long as I am in His will, everything will work out. Oh! A good worship song just came on. Singing these songs of praise really uplift me. Also Satan can't STAND praise to God, it makes him flee. GOOD. I don't need his pathetic presence in my life! Disgusting disgrace. [shakes head] I will be okay. So here's some pics, future Bridget. You had fun this past weekend. : )

Me and friends with a local band!

I had a photoshoot in my pretty new dress ^^

Kitty-Sheik-Chan =^3^=

Me with my Kinu Cafe friends <3

Taken by one of my Photographer friends :D

I WILL ALWAYS BE A MESSY EATER. In a dress or out, I am not so lady-like. Hehe!

*Sigh* Good times, good times. I have more good times to look forward to. I suppose I will continue to pray for all that concerns me and give it to God. I will continue to live and move toward my goals. Faith without WORKS is dead, according to the Bible. I have to keep on fighting the good fight! God knows the love I still have in my heart for someone. He sees every tear I shed in prayer because of this love. He knows my future and He knows what I need, because God gives more than what we deserve. He blesses us with His grace and mercy. Everything will be as it should, according to His perfect and loving Will.
Bless the Lord, O'my soul~I worship Your Holy name for all Your goodness.

[I was litening to 10,000 Reasons by Rend Collective]

-B...

"If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love."

Photo taken: Johnny's backyard (I went to Ohio!)

It has been over a year that I have even posted in here.

So much has happened but I have learned from all of it which I feel matters the most.

God has really been reshaping my heart with healing and wisdom.

I feel I am beginning to really look at things differently. So much so that I look forward to whatever new relationship God will restore in my life.

Yes. This does mean Johnny and I are not together. Not at the moment anyway. Due to stress and the inevitable, we had to part. It hurt badly, like a part of me was cut off... but through this storm I learned a new peace. In order for me to find what was in my heart it had to be cut open.

"Cause when you're breaking down with your insides coming out, that's when you find out what your heart is made of." - Switchfoot's 'Yet'

I wrote in my journal today and I tossed my old journal full of old memories, most bad. A lot of them had to do with my past relationship and I just want to FULLY move on from that. I saw the error of my ways and I'm ready to move into the new. God is making beauty out of my ashes.

I just pray for Johnny. I still love him so much, unconditionally. I have asked God to forgive me for how badly I treated him and how I blamed him for things that I had held on. I unleashed my anger on him so much when really I needed to give those feelings to God.
Whether we're together or not only our Lord knows and He will show in due time. For now Johnny has his own journey he is on and I will just pray for him from where I am. May he find joy and smiles in his days......

Also I would like the change the name of my blog because I feel I am no longer facing that same storm. I hardly have anxiety anymore PRAISE GOD! I have overcome fears ( I flew to Ohio last year!) I started working on cosplay and painting again with passion. I've definitely been more in touch with my creative side and definitely been closer to my Heavenly Father. God has really used my relationship with Johnny for the better. We're not even together and I'm doing well just praying for him. I do admit I cry but...I try to not stay down for too long, I pray instead. I reroute the emotions toward something good.  : ) Well, I need to sleep. I think I'll try updating this at least once a week. Good night.

- 

B

2 years ago..

I read a journal that I began in 2010. I read over old posts. The last few months of 2012 did not mention Robby but myself...before that though he was in it....and a year or two back I was claiming I wanted to marry him and be with him.... Whoever that girl was, I am not her anymore.

2  years ago, the thoughts I had today would not bring me tears of sadness to my eyes but joy. 2 years ago, the changes I've seen would have made me 10x happier.

2 years ago I would have never thought I'd be in the place I am at now.

So what happened? I know I wasn't close to God when all this began...and now that I have been growing close to Him again I'm struggling with the wonder of what I am suppose to do.

So many things today have bothered me and brought me to tears. It could be I'm just emotionally unstable right now due to my 'time of the month'... but either way, these things are happening and I am not happy with them.

I'm confused and frustrated. I want to break away from Robby fully and breathe. I want people to stop thinking he's with me. I know him living here still makes it seem that we are. I want him out. I want him on his own. I'm tired of living under the same roof. Why is he still here, God? I know he's getting help here but I feel like it's keeping me uncomfortable and stressed.

Do you want me with him? 2 years ago I asked the same question. "Is he the right man for me? Will he be a godly husband with me?"
I believe he would be a good godly husband but I don't want him anymore. I don't find any interest, I only know he'd be safe to be with. Just safety isn't what I want. I want more than that...

Why do I harbor such resentment? Is it because I feel there are some who still wants us together and I I'm being rebellious? Is it because I want him to let go of me and he won't?

So many thoughts fill my mind.

It's bothering me.

I need your peace, Lord. 

Please please give me a break from him. I do wish him well and pray he has a good life. I don't will anything bad on him. I just want to be away...I want to move on. I really do.

-sighs-

I feel trapped in my own house sometimes.

I just want to find that peaceful place in my life..

"Wait on the Lord: be good of courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14"
 This was shared with me this morning when I woke up. 

God, whatever Johnny's role is in my life I pray that it go according to Your will. For now he really has been helping me out. I just need to worry less and trust you more.

This year I want to give you my whole heart, Lord.

Feeling Impatient..

I'm in such a blah mood...

...and my patience is thin tonight

I feel like giving up the fight.

I want to see you. Will I ever?

Is it meant to be..

or never?

I hope you can take the rope

before I lose my grip

on this long distance strip

of hope.

The old is put away, the new is brought forth.

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8..

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is Love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

Dear God,

I had a lot on my mind and I spoke most of it to you...what I didn't you already know. You know what troubled me last night and when I awoke. I can say I put it on myself. I failed you once again and after reading in my Bible I felt even worse. You remind me of what not to do and yet I do such things...it is worse when I know not to and still do it.  I know that if I live in an immoral way, the non-christian world may be free to assume such a life style is accepted by the church and by You which would be very dishonoring to You. I want to honor you, God... with my mind, heart and body. As a Christian I know I am not to live as the world does.... harming my body, doing as I please. I am here to please You! 

A new year is beginning, and Jesus has not returned yet. There is still work to be done. The truth needs to spread but more and more the world has turned it's back from God. Sometimes I feel alone in it all but I know I am not. This year I am asking for a few things but  I am willing to work all I need to so I may be rewarded with such things...I don't think they are unnecessary desires either.. but please place the right desires if these aren't for me.

First...

I'd like to be able to share a close bond with another, a partner in this life. Someone who will be here and help me out. Someone who will be a team with me in serving You. I want to have a place to live and be able to share it with them as well at some point. I need someone who will be healthy and help me be healthy... Someone who will be fine doing out without alcohol, drugs, or over-eating fatty foods and keep me from those temptations as well. I don't really need them. My body is the temple of You, God..as you have said in your word. ("Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. Therefore honor God with your body."1 Corinthians 6:19-20) I know I'd need someone who would help me with my struggles and not influence them. I'd like to let go of my old ways completely and not continue to struggle with the same sin. Could you please place someone in my life that will work together for good with me? Someone who will have a discernment as I have? A discernment to keep them from openly bringing opposing things into our home whether it be through books, games, movies or music? I want a happy and peaceful home... It seems a lot of  popular things these days are sugarcoated but stand for many unholy things.. -sighs- I may deal with some stuff now but I know I will just not put up with it at all later. I'd also want someone that will love my truly with a pure and unconditional love. Someone that has YOU in their heart and will continue to hunger for more of You and your guidance for our life together..

I want who is best for me, God. Someone who will take care of me. A good Christian man who's heart is after yours and puts you above me. I am fine being second-best because I won't be able to fulfill his every desire as you could. Thank you, Lord. I know I must be willing to return with great things. I want to be a woman of great virtue and be a great wife in the future. : ) Loving unconditionally and bringing warmth to the home...as well as a little silliness! You made me weird God, and I love it.

Second,

I'd love to have Christian friends...friends who I can share my love with about you. I'm honestly just tired of the excessive cussing and careless lifestyle of the people I use to be so close to. I cannot judge them... It is only within those who claim to be of faith that I can technically discipline and try to correct. If someone says they are a Christian, you have said another Christian can judge their actions and bring it to attention because you have asked us to be accountable for another. I want friends who will influence me in the way I need to be. Friends that will enjoy the Christian music as I do...and not just the fun stuff but the legit worshiping and praising your name with sounds that are pleasing in your ears! I'd love to have friends that would attend church with me. I want brothers and sisters in Christ to accept me as their friend... people I can go to for Godly counsel, not the counseling the world gives..for that is empty and not ever-lasting.  Help me to be a good friend as well.

Third,

I'd like to continue growing up in my life. Growing in you and moving on in this life. I'm in desperate need of a car and want to be able to afford it. Help me with my finances I pray!! I want to spend my money more wisely and be a successful adult. I am ever grateful for the jobs you have blessed me with. Working with the children is amazing. I love watching them grow up learning about you. I love how you light up their life with your love and the hope you give them. I hope I can keep moving on up in this so I can afford to live on my own. I know you'd want me to keep moving on and not be comfortable here at home. My mom has done so much for me and I am thankful for it. I just know it is getting close to the time I must spread my wings and make my own nest!


Last.

I pray this near year I will move into what YOU have for me. I want to let go of my bad habits and create new and pure habits. I know then I will have such a peace because I will be on the path that you have created for me. You say you have blessings for us if we just follow the path that was meant for us... May YOUR will be done not mine.

If I lose people this year because of my faith I know it will not be because of me. I love the sinners, not the sin... but there will be those who continue to move down another path and that is what they will chose because of their own free will you have given them. I will pray for them but I will continue to follow You. No one is going to take this light you have placed in my heart. Nothing is going to put it out. I'm going to let it shine.

Even if I end up being alone forever with a cat or something, as long as I have you Lord I know I will be complete and when you return....I will finally get to see you face to face. *~*

Thank you.

Amen.

Love Your Daughter,

Bridget

A Sign or Misunderstanding?

Sometimes I feel like Mary. Everyone is against what makes me happy.

God,

Are these comments made because you want me to see in another perspective? Or is she just being negative?

I'm not as dumb as I look. You know I want to be wise in my decisions.

I don't see what she sees. I understand where she gets her assumptions from and worries from but when I look I see the fruits of the spirit. I see the hunger for You.

Yeah I worry sometimes...I see some little flags that pop up and bring concern to myself but I just pray about those issues...He's a new follower of yours, he's not going to be fully discerned yet or make the best  choices (even I still mess up...after all these years)

I just...

I want to know what you want for me?

Is this it? Or not?
If not  then pray you close any doors that need to be closed.

I don't have it in me to turn away from him. My heart is attached...

Please work in this situation.. You know our hearts, no one else does.

You see past our hair colors, our tattoos, our clothing, our words...

You look into our heart and see the intentions, the loves, the lusts, the attachments.

I will continue to trust you. I know if this is meant by you to work out, it will.

If not. It won't...

It just hurts me. The one person I look up to the most for opinion and such doesn't want to hear about the person that makes me happy these days.

It bothers me so much because I value her opinion and now I don't want to hear them.

,___,

I also pray you continue to work in him, God. I know if his heart is still open You will work wonders.

I may not be all that but I know I'm enough for you to want me to be with someone who will hold my hand as we both walk the narrow and less taken path in life. Your path.

-

Bridget.

My Worst Enemy

This thing that changes me, it affects the way I see

it affects every part of me

Makes you my enemy

But when it falls apart, it's like a brand new start

and I can't remember why  I ripped everything apart.

This is going through my head because of how I feel right now.

I don't even want to go into detail I just know I don't like how I feel and I hope to feel better. I just need to pray for God's forgiveness.

There's things in our lives we'll have problems with and temptation just brings the worse out in me.

I don't like how I acted last night and it bothered me bad this morning.

One of the worst parts is I feel I won't be understood.

If I'm not. I feel I will need to end some things.

I'd rather not but in order to continue on my path of righteousness and such I can't have something that will pull me back to my old ways and get me feeling this way.

I'm sorry.

I just can't do this if it's going to be a problem.

,___,

God matters most. I want Him to be pleased more than anyone else. I know I displeased him and for that I must make changes if the changes wont happen themselves.

-

B