"If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love."

Photo taken: Johnny's backyard (I went to Ohio!)

It has been over a year that I have even posted in here.

So much has happened but I have learned from all of it which I feel matters the most.

God has really been reshaping my heart with healing and wisdom.

I feel I am beginning to really look at things differently. So much so that I look forward to whatever new relationship God will restore in my life.

Yes. This does mean Johnny and I are not together. Not at the moment anyway. Due to stress and the inevitable, we had to part. It hurt badly, like a part of me was cut off... but through this storm I learned a new peace. In order for me to find what was in my heart it had to be cut open.

"Cause when you're breaking down with your insides coming out, that's when you find out what your heart is made of." - Switchfoot's 'Yet'

I wrote in my journal today and I tossed my old journal full of old memories, most bad. A lot of them had to do with my past relationship and I just want to FULLY move on from that. I saw the error of my ways and I'm ready to move into the new. God is making beauty out of my ashes.

I just pray for Johnny. I still love him so much, unconditionally. I have asked God to forgive me for how badly I treated him and how I blamed him for things that I had held on. I unleashed my anger on him so much when really I needed to give those feelings to God.
Whether we're together or not only our Lord knows and He will show in due time. For now Johnny has his own journey he is on and I will just pray for him from where I am. May he find joy and smiles in his days......

Also I would like the change the name of my blog because I feel I am no longer facing that same storm. I hardly have anxiety anymore PRAISE GOD! I have overcome fears ( I flew to Ohio last year!) I started working on cosplay and painting again with passion. I've definitely been more in touch with my creative side and definitely been closer to my Heavenly Father. God has really used my relationship with Johnny for the better. We're not even together and I'm doing well just praying for him. I do admit I cry but...I try to not stay down for too long, I pray instead. I reroute the emotions toward something good.  : ) Well, I need to sleep. I think I'll try updating this at least once a week. Good night.

- 

B