What Matters....?

So far today has been alright. I was pretty tired at work today because I stayed up late, but I won't stay up as late tonight.

Right now my heart is heavy. I'm worried about the country I live in....I remember feeling this way the last time we had a new president. It seems everyone has such selfish reasons why they vote for someone. No longer do they care about the war going on, or where the country's money is spent. It all is about who can marry who and how "Health care" is whether or not a woman can have an abortion. I mean, really? Really? = / Is that what our country has come to?
-Sigh-

I'm just really upset....and disappointed. But what else can I do?

All I hold onto is knowing that Jesus is still Lord, and He is coming back for us who have accepted Him and have believed.



We are living in the end times.

Day 7

Day 7.

Today has been the last day of my journey... and I can say I have felt much more peace than the day I started. At times I don't even think about how I have an anxiety problem, I just have so much peace...
Still, I face the weird feelings but very rarely in the day and only for a few minutes..then it's gone once I pray.

God has definitely woke me up again. I had been falling asleep in the sea of life and began to drown without realizing it until it effected my body. Now I feel I have reached shallow waters and I no longer am struggling for air. Still I must face the waves that try to pull me back into the deep sea. I have not yet reached the golden shores but I feel I am close. Close to my miracle...


On another note...right now I am feeling off about something else. My feelings for one person have began to fade, it has been this way the past two months... I feel very sorry for the person I am letting go of. It's like I am letting go of his hold and I have to watch the sadness in his eyes as I do... It's like I can hear him calling for me to hold on... but I just don't feel like it anymore. Instead I have experienced feelings towards another but...the situation reminds me of my past and it depresses me. I told myself I would never place myself in the same position but here I am? Once again... the story is slightly different but it all feels the same. (.__.) I don't feel totally understood about it either and I am being vague for a reason. I'd rather keep it this way for now. 

In anycase, that is all that is on my heart and mind. I enjoyed the journey but I have new things I must be praying about and I still am heading toward the golden shores of perfect peace and God's will..

He truly is my savior...

Day 5 & 6

Day 5.

Friday, I was very busy...so I did not post. My sister had her birthday party and that's what I spent time on, I also had work. Over all though Friday was good! I had fun at work despite how hectic it got (kids biting each other, another one threw up..etc..) I was so happy to not have that heavy depression feeling in me to even worry about the stresses at work. I was just glad I could feel like ME again! Me + God anyway.
God surely is working in me since I have turned back to Him.

Even though we may believe in God there is more to it then. He wants a personal relationship with us...so we should take time out of our day to talk with Him and also listen for anything He may want us to know. It's not a one way street of asking Him for things and then just having the faith He will answer your prayers in your way. He answers our prayers in His way and in His timing. : ) Also living right is another thing. A Christian simply means a follower of Christ. Sinning it up and not whole heartedly repenting just leads to an empty life of meaningless prayers....God wants our whole heart, not just what we 'feel' like giving Him. Trust me, if anyone has your heart, it should be God. He knows what is best for that heart of yours. :) He will not break it.

He has surely taken my heart into His hands and cleaned it up. I am still a work in progress but I have definitely been feeling much better.
I look unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth. ~


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Day 6

Sunday. I have continued my fasting (I won't be specific about what I have fasted from). It has been great, doing this journey thing...although I haven't prayed as much with my sister as I thought we would but I know I have had a good time being closer to God.
Today I made it to church and it was nice. I really enjoyed worship and just felt so happy to be there feeling better than the last Sunday I was there.
I also got good news from a friend of mine who has recently regained his faith in God. It seems he has helped another friend of ours soften her heart to God. Although I know the devil will do what he can to bring down their Faith....I will be praying that I can be a good encouragement and that their heart grows a stronger attraction for God. It really made me so happy inside to know a friend I was concerned about, turn to God. I know God will bless my other friend for sharing... and it's not to us but to God be the glory and credit~ ^ ^ He simply works through us.

I still feel a tiny bit of anxiety here and there but for the most part I am feeling much better. I am still praying about my condition and asking for God to guide me in what I need to do. I hope I don't fall back into my old ways, that's what seems to happen whenever I feel good again. I want to praise God when I am great and when I am down. :)

Right now I need to study for an exam. 

Day 4

Day 4

Yesterday actually went pretty good. Although I did feel kind of depressed here and there I was able to ignore it and focus on my blessings and God. 

I have learned that keeping busy and turning every negative emotion to God has really helped me...Instead of letting the fear and depression overwhelm me to a point of paralyzation  I have been constantly repeating, "I give it to you God, I give this to you.." Basically surrendering and giving Him my problems instead of keeping them. So many times we let the fear we hold onto get in the way of the healing that needs to take place. He keep it instead of let go and let God take care of it. He WANTS to take care of it but there's this little thing He calls....free will. This is what allows us to do what we want instead of Him doing it all for us, unless we simply...ask?

In anycase, today I woke up feeling better! I was not anxious and did not feel that heavy depression. I did feel a bit of anger towards someone who is not a friend anymore...but I prayed about it. I don't wan to be so easily angered, it's not mature and it's not that fun.

Anyway! I must go now. I have work. It's FRIDAY :D

(by ~dominikova )

Day 3.



I didn't write much in day 2 because I kind of wasn't sure what to say. It was another day but a busy day. I helped with two carnivals (alternatives to Halloween events) and worked... Although I had some fun and I thank GOD for the laughter I was able to have here and there (it lowers stress)... but I still would get the ill feelings and thoughts I have been fighting the past two weeks.


I just wonder...how long will this last?

Either way, I am fighting my way to stay afloat... I just plead to God that He will save me from this. Whatever I am suppose to learn from all this, I hope I learn it soon.

I know that through trials, our patience grows. We become stronger through what doesn't kill us..and this isn't going to kill me. God has a plan...I just wish I knew what it was. : ( 

This storm has its calmer moments but the sea continues to rage and I feel so tired of holding on.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10