Day 2

Day 2.

I'm not too sure what to say. Not much has changed. I almost feel today was a bit worse than yesterday but I'm not sure. I know it was busier...so maybe that added to stress. In any case I am still on my journey..

Well I will write more later.

Day 1 pt. 2

End of Day 1.

All I can say is YES! I actually found more peace today....simply by giving every negative emotion or thought to God. Everytime I felt that dreadful feeling start to creep into my heart and mind I would just say "I give this to you God, you are going to get me through this." and I would continue on my way. Instead of just having faith that "Oh God CAN take this away" I am moving into "God WILL take this away". I know I am not meant to have this and it needs to goooooooooo~~

So today I felt as if I had a floating device to hold onto in this constant struggle across the sea of anxiety/depression. I'd sometimes feel tired from the swim but I had something to HOLD on to! It definitely made my day much easier... I still wasn't perfectly fine but I know today went better. I kept myself surrounded with positive things.

Tonight I just pray for those I feel have been laid on my heart... God knows who these people are. They matter a lot to me and are going through their own battle right now. I pray that they will find peace in their storm as well. Amen~

^ ^ Good night now! 

Taking a Step. . .

Day 1.

So, I have joined my sister in a 7-day journey. It's a spiritual journey, not a physical one. For a week I am going to be surrounding myself with God's presence by entering worship, meditating on His word (reading the bible and focusing on the promises it holds) and keeping a positive and faithful attitude. I'm going to break away from many things this week in order to spend more time with God and finding out what I need to be doing....

I'm not really sure if this will work or not but I have faith it is going to help. I really feel God has told me this is the life changing moment for me, this... what I am going through, has really shaken my world up and it's time for a change, a permanent one!

It's time to get off this emotional roller-coaster, for good. I am tired of getting sick. :)

Oh! Earlier this morning (since I said I'd vlog about my day and such)...I woke up very anxious. I sat up and began talking to myself and to God. I reminded myself that it will go away and that I can face this. I soon felt good enough to roll over and get comfy again then I fell back asleep! 

Ahhh...I have to go to work now. I suppose I will write more later.

Here I Am, Again. . .

Here I am again.
The dreadful feelings I once thought were long gone have once again returned to my body. The anxiety has toxicated my mind and depression now runs like poison through my heart...

Everyday for the past week I feel as if I am fighting to stay above water and God is reaching out for me, saying "You're almost there..." but sometimes I feel like I am going under...and I can't hear Him anymore. My mind is clouded with such negative thoughts I just feel like giving up at times and that's when I have to force myself to think on other things and distract myself. I feel if I let my guard down I will just go crazy. So now I feel tired, like my arms are weak from all this "swimming" to stay afloat....I just want to reach the golden shores that God has for me....so I can rest on the warm sand and breathe again (have peace).

First I wonder, why me? Why me, God? Why do you allow such an awful form of torment to enter my life and lay heavy on my body like a wet blanket? It's always easy to blame and slip into a "woe is me" state of mind, especially when depression has blinded you from seeing any light of hope.

It is then that I can take this time to lay out my life on the table and look at all I have poured into it, and what I have neglected. Almost always do I find myself seeing how I have neglected my relationship with God and even other positive people in my life. I finally see how my addictions (unhealthy eating, laziness, online social networks) have caused me to become a hermit in my room. My "great" life I felt I was living wasn't so great at all. I was merely distracted from reality.... and now I am ready to LIVE again.

Unfortunately it is taking time to wipe away all the mud from past mistakes and sins. My sin has created a bondage in my life and has allowed the devil to slip his foot in the door and allow ugliness into my world. By my disobedience and carelessness I have allowed him some room to bring down my life. You see...he likes to distract us so that we get caught up in the web of his torment and plan. God has a will for us, but so does satan! He is on the prowl constantly, looking to steal, kill and destroy. I thank God that I have accepted Jesus as my Savior! I don't NEED to sit and take the devils' TRASH! I can live free, I just need to break away from the bondage and disobedient lifestyle...because it's not for me. There are good things for us and bad. Sometimes the bad is "sugar coated". If the bad was always ugly then everyone would avoid it, but to lure people in....it is presented as wonderful until you find yourself trapped with the not-so-great 'gift'....

Anyway, I suppose this is all I will write for now... I don't even know if anyone will ever read this but I think it will be good for me in this healing process I am in right now. I am DONE with anxiety. This is the last time I'm just going to let it do whatever with me hoping it just 'goes' away. I am going to fight this with God on my side. I can do this, I know I have a purpose and suffering with negative emotions is not permanent.

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Take me, God and renew my life because I have not done much great things with it. <3 I surrender.

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer.
Psalm 6:9 ♥