Bowl of Oranges

Dear journal,

It has been a while has it not? Fortunately I can say that I am still afloat. I no longer feel as if I am drowning, I am beginning to see the golden sands of the shore I long for...
I don't feel as alone either.

I can say I have learned how sick the body can become once it has allowed the poison of dishonesty to enter. In a sense I had dug myself into a hole to the point I began to feel the dirt piling up on me... I was being buried alive in my lies... Once I could not handle it, once I realized I would die....I fought my way back up....and God cleansed me of the burden of the sin I had began to carry...

On another note...
My heart string leading to the one person I use to think I would be with forever has been  cut... I have found a new string leading to a new heart. His name is Johnny. I find it a bit strange how all this has happened. I had kept these feelings towards this person for a while now and I could not bear to keep them inside any longer. Part of what was typed above was the dishonesty of keeping my feelings a secret from both people involved in this love ....thing (not a triangle?) 

Anyway... the only thing I fear is that people will not accept this new change I have. It seems they are all use to my old dream and love. 

"And everytime you feel like crying I'm going to try and make you laugh.."

I don't know where this will lead but until then I enjoy every moment with Johnny. Although he lives far, my heart continues to feel the tug of the string that is now connected to his. When I am away he is on my mind, when we talk we share much laughter and relation. We are definitely alike and what is amazing is that we both follow the same God and both want to live and serve Him together. He has been there for me, supporting me. I have watched his relationship with God grow as well. It truly is beautiful, especially knowing how he was before... But yeah, he has shared many encouraging things with me and understands a lot of the things I say or do.. even when he doesn't, he tries his best to. -sighs-
He also wants to cosplay and I think it's awesome @_@ Although he may have some things God is still working on with him, I know that if he really is right for me....this relationship will be blessed. Seeing him will confirm some things for me. I will wait for now.